Living on the river - rats and spells

November 06, 2022

Living on the river - rats and spells

Three years of living on a boat on the river, has given me a lot of tales to tell, not only about my adventures, but also about the Liveaborders (people who live on the river full time). Liveaborders are free spirits - that's why I like them so much. How do I know this? Three years of messing about on the river.

My home was called Silver Dawn - the name conjures up a sleek craft that glides through gentle undulating water with the ease of a water nymph.

Silver Dawn was more like the bargee in Kenneth Graham's, Wind in the Willows, who made Toad wash clothes, then chased him off her boat.

32 feet long - 12 foot wide, (boaters don't do metric), with an in-board engine, and a roof that was supposed to slide open, but refused to budge an inch and stayed firmly shut the whole time we owned the boat. True to say, the old girl had seen better days several years before we bought her. From day one of our river adventure, Silver Dawn declared war on our creature comforts.

In hindsight, leaving Spain in November for England wasn't such a good idea, but then we expected a boat with hot running water, and a functioning central heating system. What we got, was a water tank that leaked, a boiler that didn't boil, and a central heating system which stayed cold, no matter how much we encouraged it to work. Our two dogs, and two cats were just as cold as we were, so they decided the best way to keep warm was we all sleep together.

The ministry for the Environment, has announced it wants to end the use of wood & coal burning stoves. There's about as much chance of the riverboat community complying, as an atheist has of converting the faithful at a prayer meeting.

If only we had had a wood burning stove - I'd have piled the thing high and enjoyed every warm filled moment. We didn't have one. What we had was a central heating system that heated squat. The river is not a warm place in winter. In fact it is downright freezing. Something to do with the wind whipping across open water. All those romantic writers who talk about the summer breezes gently gliding across a sparkling river, should try minus 5 degrees below on an unheated boat.

For all the discomfort, hardship, and inconvenience of living on a boat - I cherish the experiences I had, thanks to the eclectic mix of madcap Liveaborders who I shared residential moorings with.

If you needed help - Lily was the person to go to. Lilly's boat smelt of the of strange herbal ingredients that went into her medicinal potions. The plants for which, she grew in her small riverbank garden. Dried lavender and sage hung from hooks in the ceiling of her boat, sending out the most wonderful aromas.

Like any good witch she had a book of spells. Each spell carefully written in her spidery scrawl. It was thanks to one of her spells the 'rat' problem was solved.

To say Dougie and Ben are animal lovers is putting it mildly. Six rescue dogs that became seven when an abandoned dog was left to fend for itself on the towpath, was merely the tip of their animal welfare program. A program that included feeding the local bird populous, much to the delight of a large family of river rats.

There was rats everywhere, they thought their birthdays and Christmas had come all at once. There were rats on boats, in boats, around boats. The other boaters on our residential mooring were in uproar. The last thing you want on a boat is something that is likely to chew through your wiring systems. Poisoning was suggested. Not possible if you want to protect the other wildlife. Traps were tried, and failed. This was a smart bunch of rats they never went anywhere near the traps.

There were a few skeptics when Lilly said she could ask the rats to leave by using one of her spells.

Lilly's Spell - wait for a full Moon. Get 4 yellow candles & a sprig of lavender or heather.

2) On the night of a full moon, light 4 yellow candles and arrange them in a square. Place the sprig of lavender or heather inside.
Then sit and chant:
''Creatures be gone,
No harm to be done,
Be on your way,
From this house today''.

3) Let the candles burn for a few hours. Relight them every
day until they've burnt down.

As soon as it got dark on the first night of a full moon a few of us, led by Lilly, gathered around the lit candles. They weren't very big candles, more tea-light size. In fact they were tea lights, mainly because no one was prepared to sit around chanting for several hours. Twenty minutes was the max anyone wanted to do. With great solemnity she called on the Goddess of the Moon to hear our plea to send the rats to another place of safety. Not feeling in the least bit silly, we then began chanting -

Creatures be gone,

No harm to be done,
Be on your way,

From this house today.

we did this for until the candles were half way down, all promising to come back the next evening. The next night we were joined by bit of a crowd, mainly because we planned on having a party after the ceremony. This time we chanted until the candles were completely gone. Then out came the wine, bottles of beer, and a barbecue was set up. Music began blaring out of two speakers, several strings of coloured lights were strung up through the trees, and the party began in earnest. The party kept going until about 3 am next morning and only stopped when everyone was either too tired or too drunk to carry on.

The next day - those who didn't have a hangover went in search of the rats - we couldn't find any. And even more remarkably they never came back, though that could have had something to do with Dougie and Ben being banned from feeding the birds.

Next time on my river adventures -

Captain Jack, an old salty sea-dog -